What to Do When Your Child Says 'I Don’t Want to Go to School'

Hearing “I don’t want to go” can be heartbreaking—especially when you know how much learning and connection your child is missing. School refusal can have many roots, from social anxiety to learning frustration to simple overwhelm. The key is to respond with calm curiosity, not panic.

Start by Understanding What’s Behind the Words

Children may say “I don’t want to go” when they mean:

• “I feel scared or embarrassed.”

• “I don’t know how to handle something happening there.”

• “I just feel too tired or unmotivated.”

Asking gentle, open-ended questions like “What part of school feels hard today?” or “Can you tell me what you’re thinking about?” can open the door to more honest conversations.

Create a Supportive Morning Routine

Stress often builds before your child even walks into the classroom. Try:

• A predictable, calm wake-up and prep routine

• Letting them choose between two breakfast or outfit options

• Sharing a short affirmation or coping skill, like these Coping Skills Cards + Posters

Reinforce Coping Skills

If anxiety or emotions are driving the school refusal, reinforce tools like:

• Belly breathing

• Worry journaling

• Visualization (“What’s one good thing that might happen today?”)

The “Worry Bugs Worksheet” is a great take-home tool that kids can use on their own or with your support. It walks them through understanding their fears and gently shifting their focus.

Partner with School Staff

If this becomes a pattern, reach out to your child’s teacher or school counselor. They may be able to:

• Arrange a slower transition into the day

• Offer check-ins or buddy systems

• Identify triggers (like recess or group work) that are causing stress

Your child may also benefit from tools like a calm-down kit, which counselors often use—like the one in my Cool Down Spot Kit resource.

Most of all, stay patient. Avoid punishments for not wanting to go. Instead, let them know: “I’m here, and we’ll work through this together.”