Helping Students Navigate Peer Problems Without Adult Rescue

When two students argue, the easiest thing for an adult to do is jump in and fix it. But every time we rescue kids from social tension, we miss the chance to teach relationship repair. Relationship skills aren’t built in the absence of conflict—they’re forged in the middle of it.

Conflict Happens—That’s Not the Problem

Disagreements are normal, and in childhood, they’re constant. One child wants to lead the game. Another doesn’t want to share crayons. Someone gets left out. What matters most is what happens next.

Teach Conflict Resolution Steps Explicitly

Use clear language like:

1. Calm down first

2. Say how you feel

3. Listen to the other person

4. Think of solutions together

5. Agree on one and move on

This step-by-step structure is introduced and practiced in the “Conflict Resolution Steps and Practice Worksheet Bundle”. It includes puzzles, posters, and printables that give students plenty of opportunities to try the skills in different formats.

Role-Play Real Scenarios

Once students are familiar with the steps, give them realistic, grade-level conflicts to solve in pairs or groups. Use examples like:

• “Your friend won’t let you take your turn on the swing.”

• “Someone told your secret and now you’re embarrassed.”

These types of scenarios are also included in the bundle, making it easy for educators or counselors to use right away.

Avoid Taking Sides

Try not to jump into the referee role. Instead, ask questions that guide students to find their own solution:

• “What happened from your point of view?”

• “What do you each want?”

• “How can we make this better?”

Let students own the outcome. They’ll be more invested in making it work.

Make Room for Repair

Teach students that apologies can be genuine but don’t have to be forced. Allow space for reflection with questions like:

• “What can you say to make this right?”

• “How do you want to fix the situation?”

• “What could you do differently next time?”

Practicing this repair process regularly builds the foundation for lifelong conflict-resolution skills.